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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

shud I givein??

Heck no!... am obstinate, stupid and yea optimistic:)) Otherwise wud have given up ages ago....What I did before Parkinson's (yup that is how i look at life now..before n after) seems a lil blurred... so am trying to recollect what i did post PD...

As i was still in the 'honeymoon' phase of my condition, physically was OK, emotionally a mess... but co-ordinated our move into our present house which we moved in,in 2004, then next year, we bought two rental properties, one totally on the internet:P.....so I did the research, found the realtors, etc etc basically took care of most of the myriad things needed.

Meanwhile, also tried some online business, became a bargain hunter,am known for scouring the net and getting incredible deals, downloaded and learned diff graphics software....am a self proclaimed geek, love electronics,gadgets and always was busy trying to wire something or the other, trying to hook up and try stuff like streaming from Wii etc, using PSP for downloading music etc. Also did a lot of home projects, like painting a mural, making a headboard out of a door, a table out of a kitchen cabinet door....
And in the  midst of all this I was also trying to follow my dreams of broadcasting/acting connecting with ppl trying to sell ideas, blogging vlogging etc.... all this while dealing with PD and its effects...am i good or what??:PPP

I was in full blown denial, scouring the net for different conditions that i may have...made sure they were of the curable variety...did not want to have PD.... visited all kinda 'logist' docs, every single appt heartbreaking as all signs did point to PD... It was hell coming to terms with it...am not sure if i have yet....
I wanted a condition where I suffered for a while and got better, not this darn life long alliance!!...Meanwhile all the mind altering drugs were  doing their side effects thing on me making my life miserable.... Have hit the lowest ebb  in my life, really bottomed out... where i was ready to call it quits.... and from there painstakingly climbing the stairs of life one rung at a time....

i had managed to reach a certain place, when they decided that i need to withdraw from one drug, as it was creating problems...this was in Jan 2011...http://sukas-myworld.blogspot.com/2011/08/2011-year-of-finding-my-inner-strength.html is where I detail my struggle and the  battle still continues...have not yet recovered from that ordeal....

My fight continues, just seems that Parkie is gaining more and more control day by day....but i have been fighting it every step of the way...If my docs wud have it, I wud have had holes drilled in my head, i.e. brain surgery in 2011 itself, infact came home from the hospital  with a walker as i was unable to walk.... I have not touched the walker yet. Earlier this year they still wanted me to  go ahead with the surgery... let me see... honestly it petrifies me....

So my nights are sleepless, days are tiring and sleeping..basically zombie like.... totally out of steam, living each day as is.... need to get my fighting spirit back

So giving in is not an option at all, right:)))
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