Monday, March 30, 2009

Hopes, Dreams,love, hate, anger,happiness,

desire, lust, excitement, nervousness, frustration etc. etc. etc. all come under the seemingly innocuous word "Emotions".

Emotions govern our lives. It motivates us, depresses us, makes us impulsive and in many ways defines us as a person. I think people who can control their emotions live better lives than someone like me who is an emotional doormat.

Hmmmm so who exactly is an emotional doormat (I coined the phrase btw) Well someone who thinks with her heart, not head, someone who naively still believes in the fact, that people are what they say they are, no hidden agendas because after all why would one make life more complicated than it already is? Someone who genuinely cares about people, is empathetic and yup sensitive. Yeah, yeah that is me and now you know why I am confused and bewildered.

I feel like I am an anamoly, I am positive, extrovert, generally happy, motivated, yet sensitive, extremely emotional, get hurt easily, impulsive oh well...

Emotions - We need to b able to control it and not let it control us. Profound, huh:)

Friday, March 13, 2009


Hmmm parenthood as in being a parent as in being a mom or dad as in my case being a mom.....

Wonder who coined the word or how they came about it. A quick googling did not provide any answers:(

Yup there are tons of books on impending parenthood, how to be a good parent etc etc etc...... there are so called manuals, there are how to's, where to's etc.

But really is it possible to capture the essence of being a parent, as all of us go through similar emotions but yet it is unique to each person. We all react to any given situation differently. Some of us are excited, some nervous, some petrified, some daunted, some scared, some jubilant, some sad yes and yes very very overwhelming.

I still remember the thudding of my heart, my dry mouth, feeling faint, feeling nervous and excited as I waited for the sign that would say that yes I am on the way to be a mom. I could hear my hubby's pacing outside the bathroom waiting as the clock ticked on its own merry way oblivious to the significance, and finally it was time to see what the home pregnancy test would say both of us peering at the tube that would change our world totally:) And this time it finally said yes you are on the way to a journey, a journey that is so life changing that unless and until you actually go through it one cannot comprehend the enormous avalanche of feelings, emotions, thoughts, fear.

The thought of being responsible for another tiny little person when you yourself have still look up to your parents for advice is daunting to say the least. The firt time it is scary. I remember going to Lamaze class when I was eight months pregnant n when they showed us the video of the delivery I was in panic mode, felt trapped. Luckily the feeling subsided. Had a looooonnng labor n then a C section to boot:)

Will never ever forget the beautiful sound of his wail, as my hubby n me our hands clasped tightly tears of joy n a goofy grin on our face looked on in amazement n awe at this wiggly little person who ccame out of my tummy n was a complete person in himself.

As he was bundled up and put on my chest, my feelings were a jumble of emotions looking at this tiny little bundle that would forever change our lives. No words can adequately describe the intensity the fierceness no way.