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Monday, December 26, 2011

I am a Fraud..Yep:)


So with it being the end of the year and all, i thought it best to cleanse my soul, bust some myths about me and correct some assumptions:) Yup confession time...so pre warned....brace urself, this piece will shatter your opinion about me ..... r u ready.... oh ur hmm k:P

Some people have the mistaken impression that I am an intellectual, highly read person....ahemmmm....I love my steamy romances and fast paced mystery books....no philosophy or heavy reading...honestly they put me to sleep. I am not highly educated as far as traditional education...just a Bachelors... in fact the first time I ever saw a sign of respect in anyone's eyes when I mentioned I had a Bachelor's was here in the US...In India I would be looked down upon.... not that I care:)

I am strong:) Well emotionally that is, physically it would be funny as I weigh in less than 100 pounds and all of 5ft 4....but even e being strong emotionally is not true..... I am terrified hmmm actually no am petrified at what my future holds as far as my health is concerned....and if by now you do not know that I have been diagnosed with Parkinson's at the age of 36 in 2004, where the heck have u been....I have been whining about that forever...Maybe I am a master at denial.... that is it...

Unselfish.... yea that I am not, ...ask my hubby and he will laugh you out of town...He has known me for twenty plus years and says I am very selfish so...maybe he is right? Yes I am selfish, when it comes to food:P Yup food....love to eat, and esp chocolates or desserts....I have a very strict no sharing policy and have no shame or hesitation in admitting it... Yes I am selfish as I love to get compliments, accolades, appreciation...yup I do....

Another thing people think when they see me is that I am very confident and modern and and that I can do whatever I want....uh wroonggg....I have my share of insecurities, my failures, lotsa weak points, may look modern but at heart a lil old fashioned and traditional, like simple things in life and am basically low maintenance:) I did term yself an emotional doormat which I was...but am learning now....

Ok so what am I.... I am at heart, a simple traditional gal, with an open mind, non judgemental, believe in human goodness, am talkative, loyal, beautiful inside and out, friendly, narcissisist, geek, love to learn new things, like to keep myself busy, am more happier working outside the house rather than inside the house.  I thrive on interaction, love my gadgets, am delighted when given a bunch of wires and trying to connect them, am passionate, stubborn uh actually letme rephrase strong willed, like to laugh at me and at the world:) And yup not modest cos here is what I believe

Am confident of who i am, know most of my faults and strengths, cannot stand artificial people, honestly, I wud not know how to respond...

Am a straight shooter...with me usually I will tell u exactly what is on my mind..gud, bad or ugly....

Oh yea am a sentimental fool and very sensitive too....

You know we all want to hide our selves, our fears, our insecurities, our vulnerabilities, for fear of being manipulated. People go to a lot of effort to hide their true face from the world....and tell me very often....why are u baring your heart, why are u sharing your pain with Parkinson's...do u think people care?

And there in lies the biggest myth of all...I share not for others but for me, for my sake....I am a sharer and it helps me feel better to share....

So there you have it Sutapa Unplugged:))