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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Life's lessons

As i sit here in my comfy chair, my legs beating to a  tune that only it hears, the weird rhythm created  by Parkinson's , which by now, ten years later, controls  my body,, mind and yes thoughts.

I do not want to identify myself with Parkinson's. I want to be just a regular 46 year old women going through my mid life crisis, worrying about my job or career, my kids, my hubby, my family.

But as they say, You make plans and then life happens... I mean it is hard enough to maintain relationships and raise kids, but with another twist or spoke in the wheel it gets very difficult.  It did not help mattters that I was in denial desperately praying, hoping and wishing it was something else, something with a cure, something that i could get out off, desperately scouting the internet....meanwhile taking mind altering drugs.....while outwardly maintaining the facade of normalcy, I was in a hell that I could not share as there was no one who understood.

I was going through my honeymoon phase of Parkinson's which fueled my and others denial of the condition. I continued as before but pretty soon I had to accept the fact that my body was really deteriorating. So while my friends and peers were out making their career or making major decisions for their kids, here I was lost and bewildered and scared out of my mind and lonely. My husband was sill in denial and had work pressure, my friends heard me out, but it is impossible to express unless one goes through it.

Ten Years with this unwanted, uninvited guest in your body as I look back on these past ten years of my life defining moments I have realised that yes, I have had dark, challenging, frustrating days, days where i was ready to end it all ,...days when I have shed buckets of tears, so many "Why me's" and If onlys there have been some life lesson's learned, through all the hurt, the pain and challenges that comes with a chronic condition.

1) I have always been a pleaser....and I realised that one does not need another's approval to do something...you cannot please everyone.

2) It is ok to say NO

3) Don't sweat the small things..  Believe me life will throw you bigger curves.

4) Don't worry about what others think.  After all they are not living your life

5) Health is Wealth

6) We  freak out and worry ourselves endlessly about things we cannot control. Worry  and take care of things that are in your control

7) Don't compare yourselves with others. Everyone's family and situations are unique to themselves. Do what works for your family.

8) This is a difficult one and one that I still have a problem with.....Guilt! Don't feel guilty if you are unable to do things that others do ( for e.g with me it is the fact that I cannot be the mom that my kids need, or the wife that my hubby needs or.......the list goes on)
9) Accept your strengths and limitations. Know yourself (very imp)
10) your attitude is in your control....positive or negative.... you choose
11) It really is up to you to be happy or sad, especially for things within your control. I understand there might be exceptions
12) It is very easy to curl up and say I cannot and difficult to get up and say I can, but you CAN do it.
13) It is so easy, sitting in our own live's to judge someone else's...Don't you have no idea what the truth is
14) Be kind to others. It does not cost a thing
15) You have a choice  to laugh or cry....I choose laugh cos it is great for your facial muscles:))

Many more...but for now I leave it here....Now would I have come to these realisations if I did not have Parkinson's? That I don't know:) But this is what I have learned these past years while dealing with my condition.   While none of them are rocket science or any out of this world lessons...this is what i realised were missing from my life:)