Rain Rain...come again

Pitter Patter Pitter Patter
as the drops hit the window
nature's own musical orchestra
as you hear the patter of the drops
the soft gush of water flowing
the gurgle as it flows down the pipes
the hiss as it hits the grounds

then as u take a deep breath
the loamy aroma as the water
soaks the ground assails your nostrils
the heady and invigorating smell
as the first drops hit the parched ground
the fresh clean smell tickles your nostrils
inundating your mind and soul
refreshing, rejuvenating, reviving

As you watch the rain coming
down in sheets
mother nature's way of cleansing the debris
nourishing the living plants
as they open their petals
welcoming the cleansing nectar

As I watch the rain coming down
I sit by the window feeling
the refreshing pricks of the drops
Enticing me to throw open the door
as i step into the rain
my face upturned to the skies
as i feel the water trickling down my face
cleansing and washing away
all my pain and despair
leaving me refreshed, revived n renewed...

R.A.K

Random Acts of Kindness

A phrase I believe in and live by....an act that not only makes the other person happy but put a spring in ur step, a smile in your heart and you know what the biggest kicker is? This does not cost you anything! No money, not even a lot of hard work...amazing thing isn't it?

Then I wonder why many people do not follow it? Seriously try it out.... simple actions that bring about profound reactions.....

Hold the door open for someone coming in or out even if u may have to wait for a few secs and even if that person does not need it.... of course if it is someone who needs help even better, but do it without expecting anything...often times I hold the door for someone who just walks away without acknowledging...and sometimes i get a heartfelt smile... that is the way it is:)

The point is you do something for someone without expecting anything in return... then if u do get it in return, makes u feel good and if u do not then move on..

Compliment someone, a friend, a stranger , anyone .... the unexpectedness of the compliment is sure to put a smile...on the flip side if u do not have anything nice to say...better to move on:P

Smile, just because:)))) It is a great exercise u know....

Connect with friends, just to say how imp they are to u... to let them know u are thinking of them.

Hug someone or acknowledge the person who does a great job helping you, eventhough that is their job, if someone is pleasant to you, acknowledge it. If you are nice to the other person, the other person will also try to be nice.

Commiserating, being polite, being firm and polite will only reflect well on you.

You know when people tell me I am genuine, caring, honest, straightforward... I am bewildered... isn't everybody?:) I have been told that "no" not everyone is:)

I guess, no wonder I am mostly in am emotional turmoil...I expect everyone to be like me, lol...

Being positive, upbeat, looking at glass half full, looking through rose colored glasses are not cliches for me, they are a way of life for me....

I believe every person has redeeming qualities, that we are all here to fulfill a purpose in the grand scheme of the thing called life....it does not need to be big, huge or life changing....but little acts that we do in our everyday life stitch together a mosaic of events that can create a comforting blanket of goodwill and surround u with love.

So do not ever say, I do not have a talent, a goal, a dream, or I cannot make a difference...We all can in our own little ways, in our own little world which when merges with all the other little worlds out there can create beauty, kindness, smiles and yes a wonderful world:)

Wishful thinking? You tell me? I do not think so.... So come my friend hold my hand, share a smile, give the gift of laughter, and u will be giggling soon....Really:)

Random Acts of Kindness ... try it maybe one act a day... till it becomes a habit a way of life, remember kindness begets kindness:)

Yes, you can

I am a nobody who wants to be a somebody so I can make a difference in everybody... but nobody wants to give me a chance to be a somebody so I can make a difference in everybody....

It all began at least I think so in May of 2004 when at the age of 36 I was diagnosed with Parkinson's...Faced with a diagnosis of a chronic condition, which while thankfully was not fatal was still uncertain and terrifying. As I sat in the chair listening to the diagnosis feeling like I was adrift, denial springing to the surface …. not me I still want to do so many more things, my babies only 2 yrs and 5 years then... what am I to do?

The fear, the helplessness, the guilt, the utter terror simmering away inside as I continued to try and live my life as normally as I can...thinking if I ignore it it will go away, denial at its peak, trying to deal with the mental and emotional and physical changes the disease was doing to my body and trying to deal with the multitude of side effects the medications were having on me, while still trying to do everything I was doing before trying to be everything and pretending that everything was fine and I could handle it.....

I stoically continued, falsely trying to placate myself that everything is fine, and in the meantime faced with an uncertain future there arose in me this selfish desire to fulfill my dreams …. half formed, things I wanted to do when the kids were a little older, suddenly realizing that time is limited and that I had to do something sooner rather than later.... this fear of becoming a vegetable, confined to a wheelchair, not being able to move or talk looming in my mind as I tried desperately to choose what to do, be a wife, a mom, or a selfish person and try and do something worthwhile with my life while I can...

No one understood the frantic desperation, the searing guilt, the utter desolation as I battled my inner demons....the almost impossible task of being there for my family, trying to do something with my life and dealing with something as complicated as Parkinson's..

Now as I write this in 2010 6 years later it has been a hell of a ride, an emotional roller coaster, an emotional hell hole a period of justifying why I want to do what I want to do, of being branded as an extremely selfish person I continue my lonely crusade as I cannot explain to anyone this burning innate desire I have to connect with people to tell everyone that there is lot of good one can do, of positive attitude and not let negative emotions get us down...

All this time not realizing that I myself was dealing with a lot of negative energy around me, being told what can a person who is past her prime, and shaking with tremors can do to change the world.... who am I but a nobody, why will people listen to me, what the heck do I have to say that is so important?

I do not know the answers to those questions, I just know I have this strong desire and the utter conviction to connect to do what I can in whatever way I can to connect....

That is when I discovered the power of the internet. As I sat in my chair pounding away at the keys, pouring my heart out, my anguish my hope my dreams in the written words, as I created a blog where I put my heart out there and uploaded it leaving it open and vulnerable, as I researched and found people connected to them but no one understood my desperation, the feeling of my life's energy seeping away like sand through my fist, slowly but surely.

This is where I think my famous Taurean stubbornness helped me and maybe my naivety too as I did not give up, as I battled the ups and downs of Parkinson's as I fought the skepticism of my useless wasting of time writing blogs … who the heck is going to read them anyway?....but I doggedly continued some inner force in me giving me the strength and courage to get up each morning, stumble to my computer as I continued to reach out, frustrated as they did not see my point, but the thought of giving up never arose in my mind....

Then I started my own video blog on YouTube. The beauty of technology that gave me the power to sit in front of my computer record what I want to say on my web cam and upload it to the world... and I did every single of my 50 videos up there as of now a labor of love, determination, will power, done without spending any money, just a lot of shakes, tremors, determination.

I am a geek, love technology, gadgets, spent my hours finding and learning, creating, writing, researching and uploading it all to the big world wide web...... my heart, my soul, and slowly I started noticing an interesting thing....

I realized that people actually were reading my blogs, that there were people who were watching my videos that I uploaded, and when they started commenting to how something I had written made sense I remember sitting in my chair with tears streaming down my eyes, disbelief as I read the words that someone out there understood what I wanted to say, someone out there who appreciated my effort it was an indescribable feeling. I then realized that in my own small little way I was making a difference, as I grew and learn something with every blog I wrote as I shared my lessons learn with my videos that I did all by myself, as I learned the technology realizing there is so much one can do by themselves, I realized that if I had not taken the first step, if I did not believe in what I want to do it would have been a shame...

Now two years after I started, without spending anything on marketing, just by using the free resources available to me I can say with pride that my videos have been watched all over the world with a very rough estimate 40,000 times, my blogs have been read by more than 35,000 people worldwide ….

I may still be a nobody and may not be able to reach everybody but hopefully will help somebody, even if that somebody is just me:)

http://www.youtube.com/user/creatvproductions#

http://sukas-myworld.blogspot.com/

Change of Seasons

Change of seasons....

by Sutapa Kasibh on Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 7:59pm

Mother nature is truly amazing and I am always awed by the sheer beauty and the routine and ritual that each season has... they are timeless, eternal, beautiful and so awe inspiring....

The year starts off stark, pristine white and bare waiting and preparing itself....As the bare trees tower over the barren landscape it's limbs naked of its foliage lonely and bereft, as the clouds darken, the chill deepens, the heavens open up and lets beautiful soft fat snowflakes like little cotton candy drift down from the skies a beautiful curtain of white fluffy snow as it drifts onto the trees, covering it with a blanket of white, drifting and creating a soft fluffy carpet where you can sink yourself in the cool soft white snow.... at times we have ice pelting down from the skies as it cloaks the trees and the landscape in hard glistening sheet of ice, beautifully dangerous, slick and yet when the sun shines after an ice storm, the ice glitters like crystals and again you are slack jawed at the beauty of mother nature....

Then comes Spring, where little peeks of green sprout through the frozen tundra, where the once barren trees are finally turning color showing signs of life, covered with tiny baby green leaves, bursts of color as flowers pop up dotting the landscape with various hues of colors, tiny flowers to waxy and beautiful vibrant flowers, sprouting all over, signs of life after a bleak barren winter, another on mother natures cycle of life.....

Then comes summer, a time of maturing of flowers, fruits, hot sweltering sun, lush green, wholesome fruits, trees laden with their finery, flush in their prime of life, bestowing shade and food , beautiful flowers, and hot bright sun...

Then comes the most spectacular season of all - Fall - where the leaves get ready to hibernate for the winter, blazing in their glory of red, yellows, oranges, pinks, mauve a virtual smorgasbord of vibrant and dazzling foliage as it changes colors on the tree and as it falls down creating a carpet so colorful, that no human can really capture the depth and intensity of the beauty....

I thank my lucky stars that I am able to be apart of this and experience the myriad beauty of mother nature. Truly blessed...Thank you:)

I am

As I think and ruminate about the person I am today, the foundation was laid when I was born. The lessons my brother and me learnt from our parents holding us in good stead today. The humility, respect for others, dignity of labor, empathy and compassion, belief in the supreme power, more spiritual rather than religious.

Lessons drilled into our heads through words and action, not only told but also demonstrated, absolute respect for elders, care and love to their parents, respect for another person, as we were told there is no one superior or inferior, it is through chance, opportunities etc that one person is better than the other financially or other wise.

We saw our parents take care of their parents, treat them with respect and humility. We saw our dad treat his subordinates and people working under him with equality and love. They were always invited inside our home and hearts, always made to feel welcome, loved and respected. Never looked down upon. We saw our mom treat the maid servant as her own daughter, treating her with love and respect.

What we saw was that the goodwill they shared came back to them several times over. Well loved and respected, the love was bestowed on us.

We were always encouraged to do our best, and thank you so much Ma Ba for always letting us do what we wanted as long as it was within the right boundaries… For letting us have a wonderful and well rounded childhood, for letting us explore, supporting our decisions and most of all for being a friend and a parent at the same time.

Today as we are in the stage of our lives where we are parents, I sincerely hope and pray that we give the right foundation to our kids, that we teach them the love, compassion and humility that you taught us.

I hope that I have become a good person, a person that helps, commiserates and genuinely wants to help others not because she has to but because she wants to. I want this world a happy place, brimming with laughter, health and happiness. I want to let people know how easy it is to be kind, thoughtful and generous….yes I am selfish, am stubborn, shallow sometimes….no means am I perfect…but I believe from the bottom of my heart that it is ok to have flaws, we are humans after all, let us acknowledge and embrace our nuances and work on diminishing our negatives and enhancing our positives…

Will you?

My day in the ER

Woke up to a lower back ache, which went all the way to the top up my neck and around my left side of the chest and it felt as if someone was clutching it tight. Uncomfortable, nausea, restlessness made me decide it would be better to have a doc look at it and tell me that probably it is just gas!

So my hubby drove me and we went to our PCP who quickly did an EKG. While the findings were not alarming, he insisted it would be in our best interests to go to ER and have it checked out....so off we went to the ER. Went in to the ER and the moment we said "Chest pain" we were processed immediately and had an EKG again. Then was assigned an ER room where I was connected to a machine monitoring my heart. Blood pressure taken on both arms and blood drawn and needle inserted for IV. I was termed as a "hard prick" :) which basically meant that it is difficult to find a good vein... this after already trying to find a vein in one hand where they put the needle in the vein and move it around looking for my blood...ouchie.

Then began a parade of people in the room. Male nurses, emergency doc, hospital administrator,
patient advocate....

I was not allowed to take any of my medications as it is the hospital policy. I was due to take my PD meds but could not as I had to wait for test results, was starving as I did not have my breakfast or lunch and it was almost 4 pm.... Asked if I could get fried chicken and fries:) and was told politely - ahem no but we will order u food... uh where is the menu I was tempted to ask but refrained....

Meanwhile I got a slew f other meds, aspirin, nitro under the tongue, a shot of blood thinner in my tummy which hurt, ouch - where is the extra roll of fat on my tummy when I need it:( Constant question - on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the pain....
So here I am closing my eyes envisioning a huge scale and trying to weigh my pain - duh seriously can you put a number to the pain - well it started from a 6 and went down to a 3 --- and I thought that was a good thing, right? was taken to the xray room and they took pics:) I love to have my pics taken but this was not what I had in mind:(

But the doctor came back gave me a serious look and said we would like to keep you overnight for observation and see a cardio --- i was like, huh? but the pain did come down.... apparently that was a concern as the pain came down after the nitro so.... more testing required...

I was fully convinced that this was a minor hiccup and I would go home but after hearing that I had to stay overnight I told the doc ... as cute as he was, I would still like to go home to my family... He said, "I cannot stop you, but if I were you I would stay back"...Damn.... I want my food I said as I did not know what else to say.

The nurse came in and asked if Iwas cold - as I was shaking, this is when I realised I already missed two doses of my PD meds.... so made sure I got one dose in to stop the shaking.

After that the shakes stopped a bit. Watched TV for sometime. After repeated requests food arrived - pasta with baked chicken, brocolli, bread, salad w/italian dressing and chilled pears. Hmm not bad I thought as I feasted myself....

They kept talking about making arrangements for me to go "upstairs" which if one was in a morbid state of mind would mean anything, huh:) They meant the top floor of the hospital, phew:) So I asked when is my private suite getting ready? I am ready to be pampered....

Again that was not meant to happen, apparently lots of people were sick, so unless I was as they said "cuckoo" i had no hopes of a private room.... I said I can do "cuckoo" .... oh well...

Then a nurse comes in saying she is from "upstairs' and had some questions to ask..... So i said ask away....she asked "Did you ever have problems with your heart? " Hmmm I said do you mean the physical or emotional heart??? Huh? she said --- oh well I assured her that all was ok,
then she made me sign a document saying that if I die it is not their fault????

Then finally made it to my room and my roommate was a 96 year old lady:))

Then once I was settled down in my room again began a parade of nurses, technicians, all with a job to do, working off my file.

Poked, prodded, tested....exhausting but in the end came back home with good news and that is what matters.

Also got a call from the hospital administrators asking if my experience with them was pleasant?

I said - considering the circumstances - it was as good, but one I would not care to repeat:)

Friends...

Friends - a meeting of minds, heart and soul, a connect, a rapport, an understanding, an instant connection, shared giggles, fall back when you need a shoulder to lay your weary head, someone who takes you for who you are and loves u unconditionally all of your goofy crazy self.

You meet so many people over the span of your lifetime... not everyone becomes your buddy, there are only a few with whom the connections is total and complete, there are some that are connected but not fully and then there are aquaintances.

You can be friends even if you have not met the person physically, or even spoken to! In the age of social networking we have a whole new way of making friends.....

Again some manage to get close to your heart and become your best buddies where they understand you and your moods and are there for you. Friends who motivate you, love you, inspire you only through their written words and love in their heart and true genuine friendship in their hearts.

A friend is someone who smiles when you do, commiserates when you are sad, tells you the truth even if u do not want to hear it, holds out a hand when you fall, through the good times and bad times will be there, will be ur rock.

This particular note is for all my friends who have enriched my lives with your love, support and motivation. I hope I am also that friend for you.