Revelation! Yay

You know when you get one of those Duh moments, where the light goes on and you think why did I not think of it before? Well I had one of those moments.

Well it is as simple and as complicated as hmmm common sense? Common sense is not as common as we think. And no that is not it.

You know we live our entire life trying to fit into this particular stereotype that either society imposes on us or self imposed and if we do not fit that role - oh oh you are in trouble.

The perfect child, the perfect spouse, the perfect parent, the perfect employee/employer, etc etc

For most of us it is like hammering a square peg into a round hole. Ouch! No wonder we are bruised...

We try very hard to find a square peg - and some of us find it but most of us don't.

Rev 1 - We are all similar yet unique in our outlook, talents, perspective etc. We all have some talent in us, some skill that in inherent and needed to complete some task small or big does not really matter, just know that what you have to give is important in the whole bigger picture.

Rev 2- We all have our opinions on how people should be, how they should react to any given situation, how they need to live their lives because let's face it we want things to be our way or...
Uh huh - wake up call... We all have our good and bad. Only if one experiences the bad can one appreciate the good and vice versa. The biggest thing that mars or destroys any relationship, no matter what kind is "Expectation" Huge ramifications. We all have it, me included, whether we acknowledge it or not, whether consciously or sub consciously we expect something in return
and it flusters us when we do not get it. I think a lot of us will find peace and happiness when we let go of "expecting" something in return and just do things because you want to and not because you have to.

Rev 3- Pride, Ego, Trust, Fear, Vulnerability, Failure all govern our lives.
Pride - We all have that some more than others. It is, intertwined, with ego and fear, failure and vulnerability. We feel that if we do give in or acknowledge our weakness that it makes you inferior...but I personally think it only helps and how? Here is my take on it:) Pride and ego just get in the way of one achieving or getting what they want. Because of those emotions, we refuse to look at the problem from all angles. We are so overwhelmed with the way people perceive us that most if not all actions are governed by that.

Most of our actions are done with the fact in our mind, consciously or sub consciously, we all hunger for appreciation, accolades, applause, compliments, motivation because that gives us the impetus, the incentive to try harder. It is innate in our psyche to be appreciated and as that should be. That is the simple reason why a compliment, a positive comment brings a smile on our face.

Such a simple yet profound revelation I had was this. All it really really takes is a genuine heartfelt compliment, comment, smile, hug, to make the other person feel special. And you know what the kicker is....making the other person happy is guaranteed to put a smile on your face, a spring in your step. Don't believe me? Try it....Compliment a total stranger, smile, hold the door open for someone, help someone who is not expecting your help, surprise someone with something special, pick up the phone and connect. It is a wonderful feeling. Truly it is.

And I am?

We live our whole life being something to somebody. When we are born we r our parents son or daughter, then for some a sibling, then a spouse, a parent and so the cycle continues.

And I am not even getting to the extended family! We are so busy trying to be so many things to so many people that we lose sight of the most important part of it all "Who am I?" huh? I am the daughter of my parents, sister to my brother, wife to my husband, mother to my kids....and phew that is a lot! All our lives we try to live up to the expectations of people to whom we belong... an ideal daughter, sibling etc.... that when I do find time to ruminate or think of doing something for myself - feel guilty.

We are so intricately entwined in the myriad relationships we build in our lives, some by no choice of ours and some by our choice, that we tend to lose our needs, our thought processes our individuality, our self in the maze called life. If you do end up sorting and clearing through the sticky web of all the various expectations and try to take a stand for yourself, you are promptly branded a selfish person!

And we wonder why we are so stressed, moody, restless, angry, depressed, vindictive, tired and just plain ornery???

First we need to find ourselves, take care of us and only then can we take care of others, right?
First I am trying to find myself... I am......huh?

one step

Little drops make an ocean, Little bricks make a building, Small pebbles make a road, One step at a time will lead u to your goal maybe with detours, maybe with obstacles but that is what makes reaching your destination that much more enriching. Along the way you gather some friends, some foes some with you for a short ride some for the long haul - everyone there for a purpose. Do not ever think you are not worth it or you cannot do it because you can, because you are here to enrich to make a difference - does not have to be big - remember small actions can still have the most profound effect. Things that do not cost money or effort, a genuine smile, an unexpected compliment, a thoughtful gesture, a heartfelt hug, a positive attitude - there is too much ugliness in the world - Cmon my friends let us spread some cheer, some happiness, some kindness, some smiles and some laughter - one little step at a time and you know what? U will get what u give - Come hold my hand n let us begin from my heart to yours.............

I wanna

I wanna
walk without stumblin
run without trippin
get out of the chair without fallin
dance without tumblin

I wanna
cook for my babies without stumblin
drive them to activities without crashin
play with them without trippin
read to them without fumblin

I wanna
be able to skip down the stairs
hike treacherous trails
dance with gay abandon
do things at random

I wanna
be busy runnin
doin things without thinkin
creatin, visualisin, makin
all the little things that make up
the intricate nuances called LIFE

Rollercoaster called LIFE

Life is like a roller cooaster
Ups and downs
Twists and turns
sudden drops to bottom
lifting u to dizzying heights
only to drop into a free fall

I have always been nervous
about rollercoaster
worried about the twists n turns
apprehensive and yes scared.

Deep inside I know all
I have to do is get into one n
face my fears, I know
I need to be able to step out of my comfort zone
I did take a small step in
a small rollercoaster

One step at a time I can do it
I will
I have to
Only hope it is going to be worth it

Parkinson's Disease Guidelines (Part 1)

my doctor

Perfect parent - reality or myth?

Perfect parents - is there such a thing? As a mother of two boys I always fret and stress wondering if I am doing the right thing. Every decision is fraught with what ifs? And if I do follow through with a decision then comes the thought - did I do the right thing? Or will this decision have life long repercussions?

You know when I was a young child/ girl/ woman and went through the growing up phase I blithely went through life rebelling against my parents and really miffed at my parents when they vetoed my decisions. As they say what goes around come around:) My parents always told me that. Now I can appreciate their feeling much better.

Right from the overwhelming feeling of oneness when I felt this movement in my tummy through the almost 48 hour labor and C section for my first son to the moment I held him wrapped tight in a blanket, this warm wiggly little person who I carried for 9 months - as I gazed at his warm melting brown eyes so much like his dads, his tiny fingers stuffed in his mouth, and his look of annoyance and wonder at this alien land, new noises - my heart just swelled with this fierce protective feeling like no other as I clutched him to my bosom - promising to cherish him and be the bestest mother in the world to him - I gave a goofy grin to my hubby and told him I will willingly do this all over again:) My hubby thought I was nuts!

Then when it was time to have the second baby - I was assailed with doubts - will I be able to give the same kind of love, will I have the same protectiveness or will it be less? Will I have a place in my heart as my heart was already full? But lo and behold when my second one came along the feelings were equally as intense and fierce and yes my heart just expanded and enveloped him.

Now comes the interesting part. Am I being the perfect mother? Guilt is everpresent sneaking in berating n self defeating. I always find myself lacking when compared to others - I don't follow nutritional pyramid while feeding my kids, I did not make food from scratch, I did not stitch their clothes, I did not make funny faces with their food, I did not.......But I did do a lot of other things - I nursed them, hugged them, fed them, kissed them, held them, crooned and cuddled them, and most importantly love them so completely.

What I have realised is that there is no right way or wrong way, there is only your way. As a parent we have our intuitions and know our kids, as a mother the bond more stronger, intuitions more sharper. Guilt is always there - will be there I have accepted that. I have also accepted the fact that if I try to be the perfect mother then not only will I not be happy but neither will my kids. You do what you can and know that you have done your best.

Just when I was getting comfortable being a mom - boom diagnosed with Parkinson's. My past five years has been an emotional hell hole mostly because of the intense guilt of not being there for my family. trying to deal with the ups and downs of the disease is hell enuf but then being made to feel like an inadequate mother, being told that I am insensitive and uncaring mother, because I dare dream to do somethin with my life!

I have this to say - we all have our own ways of showing our love - just because I do not hyperventilate or do not react a certain way does not mean I do not care! My kids know it and that is all that finally matters in the whole scheme of things - not what the world thinks but what you and your kids share.

Do not let others opinion mar your relationship - it is tough enough being a parent without the added guilt - Perfect parents? I think we all are, warts and all...follow your gut:)